I love black thongs
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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