I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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