I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
