Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
