There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I still have a little drunk in my system
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
