Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
