Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
