grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
