just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
