dude i'm inner monologue high
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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