Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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