Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
