im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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