Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
