Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
