i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
