the condom got lost in my hair
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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