I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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