By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
