I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
