Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
