Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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