Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
