i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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