Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
