When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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