I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
