I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize