Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
