What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
