it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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