I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
