I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you made out with another girl for some wings
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
