The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
