69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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