New invention idea: vibrating tampons
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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