well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
