i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
