You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
