He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
