She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize