If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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