I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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