Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
