Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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