with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
