So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
