dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
