Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
