we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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