Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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