i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
