yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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