we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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