i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
where am i from again
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
