Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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