He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
