i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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