I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
