Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
