She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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