Your face is a jimmy john
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
