Screwed.edu
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize