he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
