Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
