i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize