imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You were trust falling into bushes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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