Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
