so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
