And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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