I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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