What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
