I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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