They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
