i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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