Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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