Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
