Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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