Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just high enough for therapy.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
