Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
