oh god the rape fog is back!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize