dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
