So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
