Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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