How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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