he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
