I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My dick has a subreddit
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
