Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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