i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
