HIV tests are more positive than that guy
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
