My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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