That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize