I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
