i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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