no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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