Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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