Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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