I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
