I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
