this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
