I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
